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Information on Autism...the Emotional Rollercoaster After the Diagnosis
- By John G. Kelly
- Published 10/14/2008
- Infants and Toddlers
- Unrated
John G. Kelly
Parents with autistic kids need all the help they can get. This is one of many helpful articles on autism that can be found Here!
View all articles by John G. Kelly
Receiving a diagnosis of autism has been described as a roller coaster. It can be overwhelming. It doesn't matter how much information on autism you collect, you are inevitably left with a lot of unanswered questions about the diagnosis and what will happen now. You might be thinking the diagnosis is wrong or this cannot be happening to your child. Parents who have been through this say there are a whole range of feelings and emotions you experience after the diagnosis of autism.
Below I outline the most common things you may be feeling, and suggest possible ways to come to terms with the diagnosis. Remember this is a shock to all concerned so be gentle with yourself and give yourself some breathing room. Above all be empathetic with your spouse, they are experiencing a lot of the same emotions you are.
DENIAL
Denial is very common whenever people are faced with an unpleasant diagnosis for themselves or their children. Sometimes people find it easier to deny that there really is a problem. Some parents do not want to consider that there could be something wrong with their child. So they pretend as if there is nothing wrong. The doctor was wrong, their child is perfectly normal. Being in denial about the diagnosis will not help anything. Naturally you may want a second opinion but the likelihood is that the doctors wouldn't have taken this step without some pretty good evidence.
The sooner that you accept that your child is autistic the better off both of you will be. The condition will not go away by simply ignoring it. Accepting the diagnosis and moving on will be a huge step for you as a parent to take. The quicker this is done the sooner you can start to move forward and look into treatment options. However to be clear there is nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.
GUILT
What did I do wrong? Why do I have an autistic child? The mother could be asking...did I drink too much coffee, did I stand up too much, did I wait to long to get pregnant, did I eat too much sugar, protein, fatty foods, etc etc. The father could be wondering about whether he was at fault somehow, maybe it was the X-ray he had last year, the overseas vaccination against a disease, the multiple flights he took for business. All these questions and many many others have been asked. The list could go on and on.
Parents basically wonder what they did to cause the problem. It can create an overwhelming tide of guilt. This is a challenge to overcome as it is really hard to talk about. But talking is best as you struggle with the feeling you caused it somehow. Something to bear in mind if guilt wells up, is that you did not deliberately do anything to harm your child, in fact there is much debate about what actually causes autism so whatever you maybe thinking, You are being too hard on yourself.
ANGER
Anger is a typical and very normal emotion most parents feel when you get
a diagnosis of autism. They might be angry with themselves, God, or if not God the Universe. Why is your child autistic? There is no good answer or at least no answer that will help you accept it more easily. You might feel anger toward other parents that have healthy children. It seems so unfair that they have a "normal" child. This while it may make you feel guilty, is a pretty normal reaction to the shock.
It is hard to focus on the good about your child while this emotion is raging, but as a result it is almost critical that you do as it will help provide balance to the pretty negative feelings that keep surfacing. A key healing strategy is to share your feelings with others - and a support group would be excellent for this. Keeping anger bottled up can be a bad thing....somehow it will and does come out.
GRIEF
It is natural after a diagnosis of autism for parents to go though a grieving period. It is in many ways a loss. There is great sadness that their child has something wrong with them. There may be sadness that the dreams they had for their child may have to change. They might be sadness and fear over the way the world will likely react to and treat their child, and the difficulties that they personally will face.
Grief is a normal emotion to go through. The key is to get through the grief, and on to the acceptance. This period will vary by person and everyone goes at their own pace. Try not to look at the things that are wrong. That will give you a very jaded and pessimistic view. Yes there will have to be some adjustments made to your plans for your child's future but your child can still have a rich, fulfilling life full of joy, success and achievement - it will just have to be structured a little differently. If you believe that so will your child!
If you find yourself unable to move past the grieving stage you might need to talk to someone. It might help to have therapy sessions to deal with the feelings you are experiencing. The danger is that while you grieve you are not planning for the most effective treatments for your child.
ACCEPTANCE
Finally coming to terms with the diagnosis of autism can take some time. Some people are simply glad to have an answer as to why their child has been acting so oddly. Others have a much more difficult time accepting that their child isn't "normal".
Eventually however most parents accept that their child is simply different, and that being different is fine even if it wasn't the desired outcome. Once a parent has accepted the diagnosis, they can really begin to help their child. Most people do a lot of research especially now the internet is such a wonderfully available source. For example this site provides information, links to more information and related products.
A parent once told me that if it got hard for them, they would just think about how hard it was for their child and yet how wonderful their kid was. That was enough to bring them back down to earth and they would move on. The autistic child needs you to be behind them in their treatments and in their life - 100%. The first step is to embrace the roller coaster and accept.
Below I outline the most common things you may be feeling, and suggest possible ways to come to terms with the diagnosis. Remember this is a shock to all concerned so be gentle with yourself and give yourself some breathing room. Above all be empathetic with your spouse, they are experiencing a lot of the same emotions you are.
DENIAL
Denial is very common whenever people are faced with an unpleasant diagnosis for themselves or their children. Sometimes people find it easier to deny that there really is a problem. Some parents do not want to consider that there could be something wrong with their child. So they pretend as if there is nothing wrong. The doctor was wrong, their child is perfectly normal. Being in denial about the diagnosis will not help anything. Naturally you may want a second opinion but the likelihood is that the doctors wouldn't have taken this step without some pretty good evidence.
The sooner that you accept that your child is autistic the better off both of you will be. The condition will not go away by simply ignoring it. Accepting the diagnosis and moving on will be a huge step for you as a parent to take. The quicker this is done the sooner you can start to move forward and look into treatment options. However to be clear there is nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.
GUILT
What did I do wrong? Why do I have an autistic child? The mother could be asking...did I drink too much coffee, did I stand up too much, did I wait to long to get pregnant, did I eat too much sugar, protein, fatty foods, etc etc. The father could be wondering about whether he was at fault somehow, maybe it was the X-ray he had last year, the overseas vaccination against a disease, the multiple flights he took for business. All these questions and many many others have been asked. The list could go on and on.
Parents basically wonder what they did to cause the problem. It can create an overwhelming tide of guilt. This is a challenge to overcome as it is really hard to talk about. But talking is best as you struggle with the feeling you caused it somehow. Something to bear in mind if guilt wells up, is that you did not deliberately do anything to harm your child, in fact there is much debate about what actually causes autism so whatever you maybe thinking, You are being too hard on yourself.
ANGER
Anger is a typical and very normal emotion most parents feel when you get
It is hard to focus on the good about your child while this emotion is raging, but as a result it is almost critical that you do as it will help provide balance to the pretty negative feelings that keep surfacing. A key healing strategy is to share your feelings with others - and a support group would be excellent for this. Keeping anger bottled up can be a bad thing....somehow it will and does come out.
GRIEF
It is natural after a diagnosis of autism for parents to go though a grieving period. It is in many ways a loss. There is great sadness that their child has something wrong with them. There may be sadness that the dreams they had for their child may have to change. They might be sadness and fear over the way the world will likely react to and treat their child, and the difficulties that they personally will face.
Grief is a normal emotion to go through. The key is to get through the grief, and on to the acceptance. This period will vary by person and everyone goes at their own pace. Try not to look at the things that are wrong. That will give you a very jaded and pessimistic view. Yes there will have to be some adjustments made to your plans for your child's future but your child can still have a rich, fulfilling life full of joy, success and achievement - it will just have to be structured a little differently. If you believe that so will your child!
If you find yourself unable to move past the grieving stage you might need to talk to someone. It might help to have therapy sessions to deal with the feelings you are experiencing. The danger is that while you grieve you are not planning for the most effective treatments for your child.
ACCEPTANCE
Finally coming to terms with the diagnosis of autism can take some time. Some people are simply glad to have an answer as to why their child has been acting so oddly. Others have a much more difficult time accepting that their child isn't "normal".
Eventually however most parents accept that their child is simply different, and that being different is fine even if it wasn't the desired outcome. Once a parent has accepted the diagnosis, they can really begin to help their child. Most people do a lot of research especially now the internet is such a wonderfully available source. For example this site provides information, links to more information and related products.
A parent once told me that if it got hard for them, they would just think about how hard it was for their child and yet how wonderful their kid was. That was enough to bring them back down to earth and they would move on. The autistic child needs you to be behind them in their treatments and in their life - 100%. The first step is to embrace the roller coaster and accept.